My Doubts Run Amock, Run Away
by DeannaEmrys
Summary: Arthur has been away at war leaving Merlin to raise their daughter alone, when all is said and done, will Arthur still love Merlin?


Eowyn

1 year. 12 months. 52 weeks. 365 days.

No matter how you look at it, it's a freakin long time to be away from someone, say, your boyfriend, or your life partner, or the father of your child, (never mind if hes all three.)  
>It's especially hard if you're a nineteen year old with a two year old to care for.<br>A two year old that was currantly pulling on the leg of my jeans. "Daaaaaaddyyy, when's Papa gonna get here?" I shake out of my day dream to pick up my beautiful daughter; all blue eyes and sharp cheek bones framed with golden wavy hair.

"Well his flight lands at two soooo, about ten minutes baby. You wanna go get something to eat?" she shook her head, no, curling into my shoulder twisting her tiny baby fingers into my unruly hair, (thank the gods she hadn't inherited my mop.)  
>"Nah imma," she pauses for a giant yawn before nuzzling futher into me, "wait for papa,"<br>I couldn't help but grin, just as stubborn as her dad, whose flight should be landing any minute now.  
>I shifted Ellie's weight slightly and began walking towards the arrivals gate, heart hammering in my chest.<p>

It was stupid I know, panicing about seeing Arthur again, but aside from the odd letter I recieved or the scarse video chats he was aloud, which were saved almost exclusivly for Ellie, we hadn't really spoken.

What if he didnt love me anymore, or he'd fallen in love with another soldier, bonding over the war. Or what if the war had moulded him into someone who wouldn't fit into our lives anymore, who couldnt function in the real world?  
>Or, or, or?<p>

A flash of blonde amoungst the crowd made my breath catch in my throat.  
>No not the right colour, Arthur's hair was gold like Ellie's, that man's was dirty blonde almost light brown.<br>My pulse settled down again; in... and out. My breathing steadied. An asthma attack in the middle of a crowded airport with Ellie in my arms was not going to happen.  
>I cuddled her closer breathing in her familar scent, all talc powder and her strawberry baby shampoo. A sense of calm engulfed me. Much better.<p>

Even if Arthur didn't want me at least my baby girl would still love me. I'd raised her this last year all by myself, with help from a baby sitting Gaius who was completely under Ellie's spell, another trait she got from her Papa, everyone fell in love with her.  
>I could be fine without him, I just didn't want to be without him. But if he didn't want me I could deal with it... yeah of course I could, I had Ellie, we'd be fine. A single parent at nineteen, it wasn't ideal or easy but i'd been doing it for a whole year.<p>

Another flash of blonde the exact shade.  
>No, just a women, small and dainty everything Arthur wasn't, although he could be so gentle when he wanted to.<br>"Daddy! Where's Papa?" Ellies voice dragged me out of my head.  
>"He should be here soon baby, see if you can spot him."<br>She grinned wide showing her few baby teeth before wiggling in my arms to look out for Arthur.

I remembered the first time she smiled like that, in Arthur's arms whilst I danced around the living room to Britney Spears, (it was on the radio okay?) Arthur was laughing at me, telling Ellie that her daddy was silly, and couldn't dance. I'd stuck my tongue out and continued dancing resulting in falling over one of her toys, landing with an unflattering ompf on my butt.  
>And then, just like that, she beamed and lit up the room. Just like Arthur lit up my life... oh gods what if he didnt love me anymore?<p>

"Daddy! Daddy look!"  
>"What is it baby?"<br>"MERLIN! ELLIE!" Ellie struggled in my arms. Where was he? I couldn't see him, and then Ellie was out of my arms, being spun around giggling at the top of her lungs.  
>My heart started hammering in my chest as he stopped spinning and finally met my eyes. smiling softly as Ellie curled into his broad chest.<p>

His eyes were still the brightest blue, his hair cropped too short for my liking still the same golden blonde, he'd lost weight and he wasn't putting any pressure on his left leg, he looked slightly older then his twenty four years, but he was still gorgeous, still in one piece, and from the tears in his eyes, still mine.  
>"You look well," I stuttered out and his grin mirrored Ellie's, "Gods I've missed you," he annouced before I was gathered up into his arms, the lips i'd been longing for covering mine, causing my heart to start battering against my ribcage.<br>The emptiness that had ached through his absence began knitting itself back together, the pieces slotting back into place.  
>Maybe the year apart didnt matter, maybe loving eachother was enough. Our own little disfunctional family.<br>And while we were togther, nothing else mattered.


End file.
